Breast Cancer
Breast Cancer can have several
causes. Many people think that the major cause of breast cancer is unhealthy
lifestyle. But there are also some causes of breast cancer. Some people get
breast cancer because of genetic factor. Futhermore some of them have
overweight or obesitas. Age is also
effect to breast cancer, the older woman have more risk in breath cancer than
young girls and woman around 50-69 have a big risk with it. And the most cause
that get attention is junk food and MSG. in addition become a passive smoker
can also increase the risk of breast cancer. That’s all some causes of breast
cancer and make sure you avoid all of them.
You paragraph has good topic. This posting really important to woman. In my opinion, the paragraph has strong and clear main idea. in addition, this paragraph should developed more idea in supporting sentences.
ReplyDeletepay attention to the word,"woman",what do you mean?
ReplyDeleteis brest cancer just for one person?
if not,you need to change the word,"Woman",with"Women".
You've tried hard. Excellent..., however you need to pay attention to grammar problem. your paragraph does not show clear cause and effect relationship. Good anyway...
ReplyDeleteanyway thank you so much for all the responds. I'm sorry for grammatical mistakes but I'm trying to make it better.
ReplyDelete